why don't i look like her?
if everything looks terrible, here's what you're missing.
you’re pulling everything out of your wardrobe piece by piece, trying it all on in increasingly desperate combinations until you can’t look at yourself anymore. you pull your phone out to cancel the activity you’re supposed to be wearing the outfit to, and get distracted by TikTok, Instagram, or Pinterest. all those outfits look amazing - the proportions are balanced, they’re curated but not contrived, the people in them look comfortable, and the pieces are similar to what you already have in your wardrobe.
why me? why doesn’t anything look good on me? why can’t i just have style like everyone else seems to?
these are the sorts of questions i get in my DMs from time to time here and on TikTok, and even from concerned mothers of teens who are increasingly concerned about their style. the diagnosis for this problem depends on the symptoms, but we can break it down into a couple of options.
1 - body dysmorphia
if you are honestly spending hours a day getting dressed and undressed, photographing yourself from every angle, checking whether old clothes fit and compulsively buying new ones, the problem is more than fashion. i’m not talking about a bit of irritation or ‘i have nothing to wear’ - if you are cancelling plans, skipping appointments, or find yourself unable to look at yourself while changing or in the shower, do not proceed to the next steps and contact a GP or other mental health professional.
if it’s maybe not so serious but getting there, talk to someone you trust about the way you feel, and consider getting some preemptive help.
2 - unrealistic expectations/direct copying
if your entire source of outfit inspiration is Pinterest (increasingly ruined by AI and advertising), TikTok, or Instagram, you will likely have a very narrow vision of what good style looks like. also, the vast majority of these posts are brand collaborations, and use a variety of visual tricks to make things look good on camera. i’ve been on shoots where fast fashion items have been made to look high-quality through clever use of steamers, fashion tape, clips, and even photoshop, so shop in person where possible and check fibre composition if you can’t (we’ll come to that in a bit).
to combat these expectations, i would suggest following creators that actually have lower production value (less likely to be relying on clever camera tricks) or ones who are actually stylists. make sure you’re paying attention to what exactly it is about an influencer’s outfit that you like, and then picking the parts that would suit you.
for example, i love this outfit on Devon Aoki:
however, the solution is not just to buy ‘dupes’ of the outfit and plonk them on. we have very different proportions, and i would not be comfortable walking around outside like this in the area i live, so i would take inspiration and dig in to what i actually like:
she’s short for a model (165cm), and around my height, so the shorter skirt makes her legs look longer
having the shoulders exposed elongates her neck and shows off her décolletage
the fishnets and belt add edge, and my overall style is alternative, so i would incorporate this
then, i look at what i would change:
i don’t tend to wear light colours because they don’t suit me super well and i’m still an emo in my 20s, so i would swap the tube top and denim for black, dark red, or lace fabrics
i would lengthen the skirt a little to avoid having my ass directly touch the seat of the tube or the bus
i would put the chain higher up around my waist to accentuate the smallest part and make sure i didn’t break it when i move
the key here is not to directly copy anything you see online (i also didn’t curate these outfits directly based on that shot of Devon, these pictures are evidently very old) but to discern what’s working and discard what wouldn’t suit you.
that way, you don’t end up looking uncomfortable and like a caricature of someone else rather than a stylish person in your own right.
Bonus tip - take pictures of every outfit you wear that you like (that’s why i have these egregious mirror selfies) so that next time you’re stuck, you can look at the album. it’s way faster than cataloguing your wardrobe (which i also do but understand it takes ages).
influencers i recommend for style inspo include:
Celeste Aria on TikTok, Substack, and IG (enviable archival wardrobe)
@polychrom3 on ig for maximalist looks but also to learn about layering
@kjhoyt for alt looks and curvier styling
finding the inspiration that works for you is a process, but ensure you’re looking at sources outside of the algorithmic echo chamber, and to lazily quote myself:
Your sense of taste and aestheticism is developed through a combination of experiences, through museums and galleries and concerts and magazines and people-watching and eating and drinking and wandering through parks, none of which will be available to you if you spend all your time crying on the internet about the fact you feel unstylish.
3 - you’re wearing nasty fibres
if you buy pieces that look similar to the outfits you see online and they just never fit right on you, it’s time to take a look at the fibres. natural fibres aren’t always better, particularly for occasionwear, but your 100% polyester jumper is never going to look as thick and luxurious as a merino wool or cashmere one (with some very rare exceptions for clever new fibres).
this is where shopping online gets tricky - photos of a jumper, particularly if clever clipped to a model or photoshopped, don’t show whether stitching is real or printed, if seams are attached properly, or the weight of fabric in the light. if possible, shop secondhand for 100% wool, cashmere, or minor blends of elastane, as vintage beats the vast majority of modern production (see why sweaters now suck here).
the only way you’ll learn what fabrics look best on you is through trial and error, but it takes a surprisingly short few years of better choices to end up with a wardrobe of breathable, well-fitting cotton, linen, wool, cashmere, and silk if you’re careful with where you shop.
Bonus tip: if you’re buying one sweater, get it at ’s brand acitura . i also enjoy m&s classics or st michael, vintage max mara, and anything that looks like your grandad dropped it off at the charity shop.
4 - you’re playing it too safe
if no one thinks you dress weird, you’re probably doing it wrong. that’s not to say you have to be maximalist or alternative, but creativity in fashion choices usually attracts some attention and naysayers, especially if you’re still in school or university. even if you’re committed to an old-world ‘elegant’ aesthetic that is theoretically classic, your average jeans and hoodie wearer will look twice, and if you’re committed to unique streetwear, you’ll at least elicit approving stares from teenage skaters.
to get out of the rut of wearing the same things because you’re scared of attention, add in one or two things and wear them routinely until they become part of the furniture. i routinely wear heart-shaped sunglasses and my grandmother’s brooches to the point where no one questions them, and the same goes for the ridiculous faux-fur coat i picked up at university. to become a person who has interesting style, you have to wear the clothes you’re secretly trying on in your bedroom, and you’ll eventually find out that people aren’t thinking about your fashion choices as much as you think they are.
Bonus tip: in this TikTok i discuss taking style risks and the celebrities who notably have - find someone with a vaguely similar look to you, or the look you want, and add in one aspect of their look, whether it’s a scarf, sunglasses, a leather jacket, or piece of jewellery.
5 - you just haven’t had enough practice
if you’re like 15 and reading this, or only just starting to think about changing your wardrobe up, your first few attempts at composing an interesting outfit might be complete failures, and that is ok. if you don’t fail, if you don’t go outside in a horrible clashing combination of patterns and accessories that don’t fit, if you don’t wear a cocktail dress under a cropped jumper on repeat for weeks in an attempt to look like Carrie Bradshaw, you will never figure out what actually does work for you.
i have no doubt i will look back on the outfits from my early twenties with fondness but also disgust in ten years, and so on. to get to a point where i can fish in a charity shop bin and pull out anything pure silk by touch alone, i have worn more horrible poly blend neckerchiefs than most people have ever seen. in order to be able to do winged eyeliner in 2 minutes that’s equal on both sides, i spent my teens walking around like a raccoon, blissfully unaware of how silly i looked. i frequently wore an actual cloche hat outdoors and curled my hair with socks (curse you CuteGirlsHairstyles), wore lingerie on top of dresses at uni (would still do that now tbf), and looked all kinds of stupid in all kinds of contexts, but i wouldn’t trade that practice for anything.
you can’t buy style through an internet course, cheat sheet, consultation (though a styling appointment can be a big help if you have the time and money for it), or expensive clothes - white knuckle your way through the ill-fitting sweater vests and you’ll be on your way to a wardrobe you love.
what i’m reading
i’m currently making my way through Slouching Towards Bethlehem, but honestly have been so tired most of my media consumption is coming from reruns of House MD and playing Gran Turismo. sue me.
style inspo this week
unsurprising in light of the House reruns, office siren but only from 2000s tv shows (think House, Lynette in Desperate Housewives, the police officers in Waking the Dead).
also these obvious citations for everything i wear ever:
I think that first girly with her tights and cute skirt is Paris Hilton
your photo with the heart-shaped sunglasses will always be iconic 🙇🏻♂️