Why I Will Never Stop Oversharing
Mysterious is out weird and off-putting is in xox
“Protect your energy!” “Move in silence!” “How To Be Mysterious”
These seemingly sensible sentiments have been the prevailing online opinion for some time now, with gurus touting guides on being an enigma, and TikTok tutorials for keeping your mouth shut springing up left, right, and centre.
As beautiful and terrifying as these eerily similar lifestyle gurus are, I can never quite manage to follow their instructions. One minute I’m standing in the bathroom saying my affirmations (“I will not be weird and off-putting today”, etc.), and the next minute I’m feeling the room go silent as I crack a joke about my dead mother that’s funny to, I soon realise, only me.
From the perspective of the internet femme fatale mystery advocates, I have, in that moment, given away a piece of myself that any enemy could use to undermine me, belittle me, or (mostly likely) write off my perspectives as a result of emotional trauma.
There is something to be said for this warning, as it’s true that some people have no shame and will wield your more personal life experiences as a tool to harm you. However, why should we let the very worst of society dictate our ability to make new friends, cultivate honesty in a relationship, and show our un-lacquered selves to the world?
Of course, there’s a time and a place for everything. Your coworkers likely do not need to know about your bowel movements, every detail of your recent sexscapade or breakup, and uncomfortable jokes about your traumatic experiences are best kept to yourself until you can really read the room (a skill I have given up on ever acquiring).
Being mysterious could make you more successful, sexier, enigmatic, and sought-after, I’m sure. What it will likely do in reality is prevent you from forming real connections with people, and allow your fear of being seen to prevent you from achieving what you could.
As I have begun my twenties, the fear of being perceived is being slowly replaced by a complete inability to shut up, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I can never predict what the next thing that’s going to come out of your mouth will be,” says a coworker I’ve known for approximately three days as I blurted out some strange life anecdote probably involving a foreign country and a minor royal.
The familiar pang of the Weird Girl ExperienceTM hit fast, and in years gone by I would have spent the next few hours kicking myself for misinterpreting our level of familiarity, the interesting-ness of my story, and the appropriate topics for the situation. As I considered the correct level of self-flagellation to administer, the conversation continued.
“I love coming to work and wondering what unhinged thing you’ll come out with next,” says that same coworker, and I realise why ‘weird and wonderful’ is such a familiar phrase.
Carefully calculating how much to share to avoid vulnerability, disappointment, and misuse by malicious actors is something to consider if you’re prone to never covering your back in work conversations or being walked all over by alleged “friends”.
However, struggling to find deep relationships and connections is the most common issue people cite with moving to a city like London (after the expense), and the loneliness epidemic has serious consequences. Keeping your cards close to your chest and refusing to share personal experiences kneecaps connection before it even begins, and it’s worth wondering whether remaining in the comfort zone is worth the loneliness.
There’s also another reassuring element - it’s extremely likely that no one cares.
All the time you’ve spent obsessing over whether you should have mentioned your boyfriend in front of your manager is likely time wasted, as your manager is probably too busy ignoring Slack messages and declining your time off requests to care.
Also, if someone is so put off by you giving away clues that you might be a real person, it’s likely that they weren’t an ideal prospect for a long term friendship anyway. When you look at the big picture, awkwardly oversharing a few times is a far better outcome than remaining at arm’s length from people you could have connected with.
It may be what I tell myself because the ‘mysterious and suave’ ship sailed when I acquired my first special interest (Walking With Dinosaurs, if anyone was wondering), but I’d rather be the weird girl than one who lives her life shrouded in artificial mystery.
Cheers to being weird and off putting!! I’ve been oversharing since long before social media 😂😂 love your writing!
To me, oversharing is how people bond, and I'd rather be weird than boring